I had a pretty strong revelation yesterday.
In going through some of my old communications and prepping for more work on my upcoming book, I found that rather than dealing with my past and feeling ALL the emotions of a teacher/mentor/love affair betrayal, I have thrown myself into creating a new and thriving business, creating new classes and really diverting my attention away from the hurt of feeling betrayed and abandoned by Bobby.
Just like the upcoming eclipse of the moon, I covered up one thing to not have to fully look at another – at each layer – each of which I’ve been slowly dismantling since the very first day the affair ended. On a mission to heal in whatever way that looked like.
Now keep in mind, I know all of the things that I have been co-creating and manifesting are so good for my soul. It is what I need to be doing. I know this in my heart of hearts.
What I didn’t prepare myself for was that when things started really flowing and there was a bit of downtime for reflection, there would be times like yesterday when that betrayed feeling would bubble to the surface, yet again.
What I have learned in the last couple of weeks in clearing all of the muck and peeling back more of the layers is that forgiveness is for me and not for him. I can forgive him and not hold on to the betrayal with the constant lump in my throat. I can forgive him and not hold on to the sense of abandonment and the stinging tears that sit just underneath my eyelids. I can forgive him and not hold on to the anger or the pain. As completely screwed up as it sounds, I honestly don’t think he believes that he has ever done anything wrong. I don’t believe that there is a single solitary sense of remorse there.
But here’s the thing – I can forgive so that my emotional future doesn’t look like my emotional past. I am able to write a new story. And I choose to write a new story.
One filled with unconditional love, trust, transparency, authenticity, a deep soul connection and relationships that allow me to feel free, lit up, and empowered.
Buh bye, betrayal. You are yesterday’s news.
I am ready for a new story.
xoxo ~ Mel