The most I’ve ran in almost 6 months.
Neck deep into 4 weeks of a kickass class that includes mantras, yoga, meditation, journaling, heart-exploring…and we are coming to the end of a week-long hiatus in the 12 week-long class.
Hot damn. Getting my ass grounded. Again. Focused. Clear. Laser sharp. Finding my energy – again.
I feel like I could take on the world.
I CAN take on the world…all wrapped up in this. THIS that is me.
Creative. Passionate. Inspiring. Sexy. Powerful. Soft. Gentle. Compassionate. Bold.
All rolled into one in-your-face-while-still-soft-as-a-feather, soulfully wild package.
That. Would be me.
Not so much a few weeks ago, maybe, but now…hell yes.
4 weeks ago, it began with being given permission to let go. That it was safe. That it was ok. That I was ok. I thought she was brilliant, that fab teacher of mine, and that Universe was awfully darn inventive in having me pony up and be brave enough to enroll in this class at such an opportune and coincidental (ha!) time. Bobbling on the precipice of a big effin’ cliff for some serious shifting in perception of my reality and feelings towards certain relationships and my chosen participation in such.
Learning to release in a way that was totally foreign to me. Releasing in a way that made me feel empowered to my absolute core as a woman. With compassion. With utmost understanding. With wide-spread love. Not only for myself, but for others. But who are we kidding here, really. This time around – it was all for myself, just as it needed to be. To begin to release all the shit beliefs and tear down darkened, gray and rough walls that I’d been allowing to hold me back and not beat myself up about it constantly; being soft yet stern with my heart, my soul, and my delicate, delicious, and bravely powerful feminine core.
When I say all the shit, I mean my beliefs about myself, my relationships (Mom, Dad, significant others, friends, past friends, you name it – I put it on the table), my emotions, and all of the little niches in between. Every nook and cranny was and still is a target for deeper introspection.
Meditations have gotten…interesting. Deep. Wickedly deep.
Reiki sessions. Ah, hell. Tears I’m tellin’ you. And pop in visits from people and spirits, both here and from yonder, that have blown my mind. And truth be told…kinda freaked my ass out at times. But good. So. Damn. Good.
Everyday has been a mine field for a chance at tears. The kind of hot, salty tears that leave your blessed soul feeling clear and purified – and exhausted and spent. The kind that make your aching and anxiety ridden heart feel like it’s healing through multitudes of layers and processing through the depths of wounds that you didn’t even realize were there until you inadvertently poked at them. It’s like taking the beginning steps of a mondo house cleaning…all on the inside.
I…am all in. Scary as that may be.
On top of it all, this glorious teacher of mine taught me how to feel safe giving up control in a variety of manners. I’m directly experiencing that the best things happen when I give up control. Control of my surroundings, control of how things are “supposed” to happen, throwing in the towel on outlining every detail of what any and all of life is “supposed” to look like – including anything that I’ve tried to purposefully manifest for my life. Screw “supposed” to or should. Talk about over-rated. Then, I learned to let Universe do her thang. Put out what it is that I want. Put forth as much effort and generate as much passionate emotion as I can without pulling up any kind of resistance to it…and watching that intention and energy soar out of sight, until Universe comes knocking on my door with my order, delightfully and unexpectedly, on a silver platter.
The healing center that I’m working in? That was a conversation I had with a former friend almost 6 months ago, I realized. Said that one day I wanted to do intuitive readings and coaching as part of a collaborative effort for facilitating people’s exploration of alternative healing methods.
Forgot all about the conversation up until now. PBut I DO remember the emotion behind it. The passion. The intent.
Lo’ and behold…look what falls in my lap a month or so ago. Seriously. No joke. That dang simple.
There’s all kind of obstacles and lessons that are going to feel like they are trying to trip you up in this lifetime and sometimes, falling flat on our face, is EXACTLY what we need. (Click here to TWEET!)
And it’s not picking ourselves up by our bootstraps that makes us tough. Although we’ve been taught that it is.
That’s just sheer will.
What’s powerful? What’s true strength?
Feeling it all.
Facing it. Not stuffing it. Transmuting fears into love.
Acknowledging pain and finding the lesson.
Giving yourself permission to finally grow the wings you’ve had tucked beneath you this entire time and soaring out into the world – strong, confident, courageous, peaceful, and willing…while STILL being open to taking a introspective dive…
That’s the beginnings of soul diving at it’s finest.